The only time we have ever fought (in our four year relationship) is when alcohol is involved. He has all the best intentions when goes out or work dinners or friends places only to have a few drinks but 80% of the time he goes overboard and comes home waisted.*
Last night he drank so much he wet our brand new bed. This is not the first time this has happened more like the 5th or 6th time.
All pretty classic signs of a serious drinking problem - no matter what HE says - you know what is true and many of us hear can describe the same exact behaviors in our As.
And regardless of whether someone is an A or not -a man urinating in my bed is a problem for me!
I feel so hurt that he clearly know how devastated I am when he drinks and still decides to anyway, and I also find myself so so angry at him that I want to do something that will make him feel like I do... Make him understand or care how I feel.. I want to pay him back for all the tears i've cried.
This is all classic feelings for F&F of As. I could never understand how my A father could continue to drink when he knew it hurt us, me, so much. How could he???? Because he was an alcoholic - and NOTHING gets in the way of their drinking. Nothing. So if they have to keep a good job and a steady income to afford alcohol and to maintain the illuson of a "together" life - they will keep a good job and maintain that illusion for as long as they physically can.
Unfortunately - "functional" is only a stage in this progressive disease - and it is a stage that can last a LONG time and endure a lot of denial and arguing and broken promises and heartbreak - but ultimately it will catch up to everyone and functional will not be a possibility anymore.
But enough about them and their problems! Loving an A brings all kinds of trouble into our lives - if we let it! You can choose to detach from what is his problem and choose joy and peace in your life. Some can do this and stay with the A - some cannot. It's your choice. AlAnon helped me with practical tools to sort out my thinking in relation to all the As in my life. Opened the door to freedom and peace of mind for me!
Welcome - glad you're here (((((((hugs))))))).
Peace-
B