Thank you all for your responses. I'm told miracles happen in AA so here's hoping. It's another beautiful sunny morning here and for that I'm grateful.
So, it's time to get honest. I recognise my 'it's all or nothing' petulant behavior all too well. In the past it has lost me friends, jobs and countless opportunities. Now it could cost me my life. The thought that the time spent in AA has just been a veneer to justfify my drinking is horrible. It had occured to me that this might be the case and maybe that is so.
At this point in time I'm exhausted. I don't want to make the effort to get sober but know I must take action. I'll pack up the car tomorrow and stay with my parents for a few weeks. I never drink when I'm with them. Maybe that will give me one last chance.
Thanks again.
Forwards.