I think what your feeling is natural. who wouldn't after everything you have gone through. But i tell you this! you are an unsung hero who in the mist of such a tough situation is fighting this thing called addiction. I know that its hard to believe tomorrow can be better and its worth living. but ul never know till you try, take it one day at a time and thank God that you have gone through today without the alcohol. Sometimes we have to pick ourselves up and realize that life will not wait for us. You have accomplished so much, look at the positive and remember tomorrow is a new day