Now that I look back..it was a surrender...I was done with it.
I think my boyfriend heard me say "I wanna drink" or "I want some vodka" almost every day especially the first few months. But then in the next breath I would say.."No I don't, I can't" and think about how it felt drinking, the blacking out, the withdrawal hangovers.
I came here, to SR, so often when I was bored, or thinking about drinking, or for whatever reason, my boyfriend was getting jealous, but then he saw it was a huge component toward me being successful.
Sometimes I think I'm making things up..cause I seem to tweak what I remember a little differently each time..but I guess I was lucky that I was done with alcohol before it was done with me.