I spent my entire counseling session on this today. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
I think I have been a codie way before my hubby came around.
I have two decorative tool boxes that I got from Hobby Lobby. One is my tool box pre-recovery, one is my recovery tool box. In them I have placed the plastic tools kids get. The ones pre-recovery are broken and beat up and have titles like "denial," "fantasy," and "stuffing" on them. The ones in the recovery box have "reality," "self-care," etc on them.
I would not have the recovery tool box without the pre-recovery box. I had to learn those lessons, and a lot of the tools were learned because of my relationship with my ex-husband. I just spiral downward when I start thinking that I "should have" used tools from my recovery box before I even knew it existed.
I think you are doing great and this post inspired me.