I wore those rose-colored glasses for over 30 years, developed my own addiction to "deal with it". Hit bottom on both addictions (crack AND the belief that I could change people) at the same time.
I agree with the above...don't beat yourself up, most of us have been there, done that. Someone very wise here has said "when we know better, we do better". We weren't stupid, or idiots, we just didn't know any better. Now you've got your eyes wide open.
Honestly, the codie recovery part has been harder for me than the addiction, but the great people here have helped me, tremendously.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy