Originally Posted by
freethinking 
Sorry, but sometimes things are not that simple. There is intelligence in terms of knowing how to add, subtract, etc and then there is emotional intelligence that I know only age can bring. I know it's an unpopular opinion but I think it's realistic. But I certainly believe anyone can get this and do it who really wants to stop drinking.
April,
I am quoting freethinking's post because I think it is largely right on in your situation. You are obviously extremely intelligent -- that's not the problem. And I'm not saying you are emotionally immature, but I would agree that it may take some more life experience before you can put the whole alcohol thing into perspective. I drank for probably 15 years before I quit, and during that time I made all the arguments to myself that you are making.
Knowing you "should" stop drinking and
being convinced that you want to be a non-drinker are two entirely different things.
I read through some of your posts, and I don't think you are playing any games about trying to decide what to do. But I hear a lot of inner turmoil where all your arguments are the reasons why you
should quit.
I'm not sure why it has to be so complicated.
Certainly, some programs set up a structure where you are answerable to others for your sobriety, and the structure helps some people a lot to reach and even to maintain that goal. But you don't sound like someone who likes other people to tell them what to do. I'm not saying programs necessarily do that, but the "guidelines" are strong and to the point.
If you want structure, there you go.
If you want independence, you must first be convinced of your decision to be a non-drinker. Arguing all the
should points isn't going to do that. When it becomes more desirable for you to live your life free of alcohol than it is to keep alcohol around as a tool to anesthetize you from the parts of your life that are bothering you -- only then will your plan to stop drinking actually "take".
I know I didn't
want to quit drinking, for a very long time. No amount of "shoulds" was going to sway me. Freethinking is right that age
can make a difference. But so can maturity, and my sense is that you are almost there. But, right now, you are still not convinced.
I've gotten to like you through your posts. I hope you continue to read even if you don't post. I hope you become convinced, as I did, that alcohol proved to be more of a ball-and-chain to my life than any theoretic advantage it appeared to have before I came to that realization.
Take care.
FT