goodman

Hi guys,

I've been on here a few times. I started and stopped a few times. I have not been able to get passed two days of not drinking for the last year.

Last night I met someone who said the first time they met me I was drunk. I never really thought I acted drunk because I don't get slurry or stumbly or mean but I get really high and happy.

It was a slap of reality to realize that many people whom I have now met know me as a drunk from their first impression of me.

I am someone who likes to chat online and I don't want to go to AA. I live in a tight community and people gossip, I know it is stupid to care but I'm worried about my husband or family being embarrassed if I go to a meeting and someone there falls off the wagon and starts gossiping in the neighborhood.

I have seen this happen already. Someone told me that a friend of mine was not supposed to be drinking because he knew his friend had seen her at a meeting and asked me not to bring her back to the pub. That was scary.

I don't want to be a dry drunk and so I'm looking for someone to just chat with or send PMs back and forth. I'm also aware of the statement that "a newbie will pull the older one down before the older one will pull the newbie up" so I don't want to be a problem.

I'm just lonely in my recovery and not sure what to do.