((JD)) - we have similar stories. I was totally miserable with XABF#1 (I'm a slow learner and have THREE). I had always drank with him, but when things started going south I turned to opiates. Quit both of those with no problem, but was still miserable.
My alone time had been used to get numb. I eventually met someone who introduced me to crack, which is what brought me to my meeting.
I realized I wasn't comfortable being ME, and if I didn't get a grip on it, my future would be really bleak. I started reading the Friends & Family forums and worked on accepting me. I had to deal with the harsh fact that, though the ex's were abusive to me, in one way or another, I was the one that tolerated it. At that point, I realized that I couldn't save the world, didn't have to save the world, but I could be the best me I could.
Basically, I had to work recovery from addiction and codependency to start making progress.
I don't know if you're a codie (codependent) but a lot of us are. We go through "if only ---would happen, I'd be just fine". Thing is, great opportunities and people aren't just going to fall in our laps.
Recovery is tough, no doubt, and I've been through some pretty traumatic things. However, the support and ES&H (experience, strength, and hope) I've gotten here has helped tremendously, and encouraged me to reach out to loved ones for added support. I really don't think true recovery can work if we don't have support.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy