Weekend Waster.I hope you find what you are looking for, and can find life easier. It would seem from your post that you have done a lot of thinking and have a resolve to change. I would suggest focusing on one day at a time. The future can seem so intimidating, and in my experience things that seem a big deal are much less of an issue once your are more comfortable in sobriety.
I found reading the Big Book (free online) and doing the short course on AVRT at Rational Recovery (free) also very helpful.
Good luck