I understand how you are feeling. I'm divorced and in my 30s without kids, and I feel tugs of regret occasionally (divorced last year - wish I hadn't wasted so much time with my ex, who is not an A). But I'm so relieved I did not have kids with *him* Now I've found myself in love with an ABF, and again, it doesn't look like family is in the picture. Ultimately, I do believe these things always work out the way they were supposed to. You have many, many wonderful years full of good things ahead of you!