Me and my mom, a vicious cycle
Hello everyone. I don't post much here anymore because I am largely ashamed to. But, I respect everyone's wisdom here, so I ask for some input.
I have had a history of drug abuse and, as some of you might remember, I was addicted to painkillers and psychostimulants a couple of years ago. I have been off of those for a long time now, and I don't want to use them again, but I've used marijuana on occasion at college.
I really feel fine sober and happy when I am on my own. However, even after getting back to college, mom has been on my back about everything. She always asks me exactly what my grades are, what I am doing, and what I am spending money on. She takes each of my paychecks and gives me maybe $20 (if that) a week to spend because I owe her some money from over the summer when my last paycheck didn't come.
Me and my mom both have OCD, and our current relationship is very chaotic and stressful. We fight a lot on the phone and I often avoid her calls because I don't feel like dealing with the unnecessary drama.
I'm 22 and I want a good life. Unfortunately, even texting with my mom when she texts me can get so stressful and difficult that the first thing I want to do is use some substance. I really don't feel the need to do this when I have not talked to her for a while. Our relationship causes the constant cycle of me getting stressed, doing something wrong (i.e., using drugs, withdrawing more money than I am told to, lying, etc), my mom getting angry about it, then it starts over.
So, it's not really an addiction issue, but rather a family one...and I know that family issues can play a huge role in addiction, which I have seen many of you posting about.
I want to know how I can respectfully but assertively ask my mom to step off and let me learn things for myself. I feel this stress is highly unnecessary and it's unbearable at times to even know withdrawing $10 from my bank account to go see a movie could result in a terrible argument about irresponsibility and being selfish, etc. It's really hard.
What to do?