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Me and my mom, a vicious cycle

Old 10-21-2011, 01:18 PM
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Me and my mom, a vicious cycle

Hello everyone. I don't post much here anymore because I am largely ashamed to. But, I respect everyone's wisdom here, so I ask for some input.

I have had a history of drug abuse and, as some of you might remember, I was addicted to painkillers and psychostimulants a couple of years ago. I have been off of those for a long time now, and I don't want to use them again, but I've used marijuana on occasion at college.

I really feel fine sober and happy when I am on my own. However, even after getting back to college, mom has been on my back about everything. She always asks me exactly what my grades are, what I am doing, and what I am spending money on. She takes each of my paychecks and gives me maybe $20 (if that) a week to spend because I owe her some money from over the summer when my last paycheck didn't come.

Me and my mom both have OCD, and our current relationship is very chaotic and stressful. We fight a lot on the phone and I often avoid her calls because I don't feel like dealing with the unnecessary drama.

I'm 22 and I want a good life. Unfortunately, even texting with my mom when she texts me can get so stressful and difficult that the first thing I want to do is use some substance. I really don't feel the need to do this when I have not talked to her for a while. Our relationship causes the constant cycle of me getting stressed, doing something wrong (i.e., using drugs, withdrawing more money than I am told to, lying, etc), my mom getting angry about it, then it starts over.

So, it's not really an addiction issue, but rather a family one...and I know that family issues can play a huge role in addiction, which I have seen many of you posting about.

I want to know how I can respectfully but assertively ask my mom to step off and let me learn things for myself. I feel this stress is highly unnecessary and it's unbearable at times to even know withdrawing $10 from my bank account to go see a movie could result in a terrible argument about irresponsibility and being selfish, etc. It's really hard.

What to do?
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Old 10-21-2011, 01:26 PM
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I have the same issue with my parents. Made it worst when I had my drinking problem. Would be good to have a good talk with your mom. Would be also good to move out if you have the money and tell her that you will mail her a check each month until you pay her back. For her to take your paycheck is illegal and bad judgement because you will have a harder time living on your own and learning responsible. I know for first hand with that and I'm 29 years old.

Talk, talk and talk about this to her and if you can move out.

Not trying to tell you what to do but a lot of kids have trouble living on their own with controlling parents.
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Old 10-21-2011, 03:02 PM
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Welcome. I have had struggles with my parents, too, and I have found that I created a lot of it with my drinking, dishonesty, manipulation, and selfishness. I ended up back in my parents' house at the age of 25 and it was a daily struggle (I was still drinking and they drink heavily). I found no peace with my parents until I moved out, became (almost) financially independent, began a program of recovery and saw my mistakes in the relationships, and sincerely made amends to my parents.

I second the previous poster....if you can move out, do so. Try to negotiate a fair repayment plan and ask her to allow you to have control over your money so you can learn to budget. Good luck.
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