Sometimes there is no understanding. For me, for about the first year and a half maybe even two years, I was a rollercoaster of emotions and changes. Most of the time, I wasn't even sure why I was doing what I was doing. I agree with yeahgr8, all you can do is take care of yourself, and hopefully the rest will fall into place (I know that's easier said then done). =)
Also, about alcoholics venting their own feelings on those around them... I think alot of people do that. But, that said, the disease of alcoholism is very selfish. I know for me, for the first year my brain was still very much in a fog, and it took a long time before I was able to notice and realize how much my actions affected others, even in small ways.