Originally Posted by
simplex 
I think it's great you're being specifically accountable to yourself. Also good that you recognize specific things that you're not comfortable with in yourself while sober.
Most importantly that you did not drink! I know during the first few weeks, I would always tell myself, well it hasn't been that long since I drank anyway. It's not like I'd be throwing away any significant amount of time.... But that's just the part of the whole cycle I guess. Staying out of bars and old places where you used to drink is important also and it sounds like you're really making smart choices early on. Congrats on a week!
Thanks Simplex. I think that staying away from bars and changing my routine is the difference this time. In the past when I tried to quit drinking, I thought I could still go about things in the same way, just without drinking. (Part of me knew that wasn't going to work but I was too afraid/stuck to change anything). This time I have tried to re-structure my life so that I don't even have time to drink. I had a stressful evening last night that was related to a difficult problem I'm facing at work, and work decisions, and normally I would have turned to alcohol. Instead, I took my boyfriend to dinner and discussed the matter with him, called a couple friends and my sister on the phone, then watched a favorite show before I went to bed. At one point I commented to my boyfriend that in the past I would have gone out drinking and would have not come to any solution, but would have wasted the night and woken up feeling sick and tired. Instead I went to bed mostly peacefully, although with some anxiety, and had arrived at somewhat of a decision.
This morning I woke up and had a little chat with my boyfriend with a clear head and a positive outlook, which I NEVER would have been able to do if I was hungover. (I would have been so depressed!) Suddenly the rest of the picture came to me and I had a solution (albeit a temporary one) to my problem at work. Today I came to work and focused on addressing the issue while also working on other things I had to do for work, and I really don't know how I would have pulled it off if I was hungover. The difference in my attitude is amazing. And I keep thinking, how did I have time to just sit in a bar and drink?? Now when friends or acquaintances ask me to drink I say, no thanks, I have a bunch of things I need to do.
I was thinking yesterday about something really pathetic. I hung out with a lot of people just so I'd have an excuse to drink. There are very few people I actually feel close to and comfortable with, and with whom I enjoy good conversation and hanging out without drinking. Those are the people I should be spending my time with. The rest of the people, I would complain about, or feel around if I weren't drinking, but then I'd go drink with them. We helped keep each other stuck in misery. :-(
Thanks for the encouragement. :-) I am feeling great today, on my Day 8! About to go for a run with my boyfriend.
Edited to add- I wanted to clarify that this is not my first time trying not to drink. So even though I'm changing my routine early on, I had many attempts where I didn't change my routine, and ended up drinking again. So this time I am trying to make a drastic overhaul, and I think that's the biggest difference, the reason it seems to be working more than other times. It also helps that I have a supportive boyfriend who loves me and wants to encourage me to be happy and healthy. I wanted to do this for myself, and AM doing it for myself, but it helps to have another motivation, which is the desire to have the best relationship possible and gratefulness for someone in my life who really cares about me.