Yesterday I had my first real "tests" to sobriety, as in, opportunities to drink when I normally would have and wanted to but decided not to. In general I have been avoiding any bars/clubs/places I would normally drink, and this has been made easier by the fact that my boyfriend's DUI release stipulates that he's not to be in any bars. In the past one of the hardest things for me was changing my routine/ saying no to drinks when I'm at the normal places I would drink, but this time it's been relatively easy to avoid these sitautions out of necessity, until yesterday.
After work I met with a potential client at a bar and he tried to buy me a drink but I said I had to go for a run later (which was techincally a lie as I had already worked out over lunch, but not really because I had to run "later" as in today, ha ha). He applauded my "self-disclipine" but also kept trying to buy me a drink... it was hard to resist because the guy was difficult and I didn't want him as my client and I kept thinking of how much more bold I am when I'm tipsy. I think that's been a huge reason for me to drink... I am not comfortable with myself/my thoughts/how to express myself when I'm sober, but when I'm drinking it's so much easier to just blurt out what I want to say. As much as I wanted a drink, I realized I had to break this pattern and be more assertive when sober. So I ended up telling the guy I couldn't be of assistance to him but it took me a very long time because I am too nice and he kept pleading with me to find a way to help him when basically he is out of luck. (He also wanted me to help him for free, and one of the things I'm working on is not letting myself be taken advantage of, and I don't know what it's so hard for me to tell someone to just go take a hike, but it is.) Anyway, I made it through an over two-hour-long meeting without having anything to drink except diet soda. :-)
Then I met up with my friend and her husband and my boyfriend at a restaurant for a later dinner. I was super stressed and would normally want a drink. In fact I did want a drink but I told my boyfriend I wanted ice cream and a massage. :-) My friend ordered a beer, and her husband and I ordered hot tea and my boyfriend ordered water. She complained that she was the only one drinking and said she felt like an alcoholic, which is hilarious because she only had that one beer that she nursed all evening and didn't even finish. :-O I would have been scanning the restaurant anxiously waiting for the waitress to bring me my next beer, and I always thought it was a cardinal sin to leave perfectly good alcohol sitting in the glass to be thrown away! She asked me to have a beer with her or have some of hers but I politely declined and said I was leaving caloric room for ice cream for dessert.
So I made it through dinner without drinking as well, and it was actually quite nice. I laughed a lot and enjoyed the conversation. Afterwards my boyfriend and I went to the ice cream place and then finished watching a movie while we ate the ice cream at my apartment and then he gave me a great massage. I commented to him that ice cream probably isn't a great choice for stress relief but at least we didn't drink! I was really proud of myself for not having alcohol even when it was offered to me for free by an annoying potential client I had to uncomfortably turn down, and even when my friend wanted me to have some when we were out having a good time. What I've learned is that I'm stronger than I think, that I don't need alcohol to have a good time, and that it doesn't help in the long run when I'm having a bad time, even if it seems to at the time.
Thank you to everyone for your continued support. I will continue to update so I stay accountable. Here's to the last day of my week 1!