you're awesome, shannon.
and, you're so right, i AM grieving the loss of the dream.
in reality, my xabf was not available to me. he wanted me when it was convenient for him, and wanted to push me away when things got rough. he wanted me to support him in all endeavors, but was hesitant to offer me the same. all was fine and dandy when he needed something because he knew i would be there to listen and offer a helping hand, but when i needed something, he got irritable and shut down. that is not what i want in a relationship. i *know* that i deserve more than this, i just have to heal enough so that i really believe i'm as awesome as my sweet friends and family tell me i am.
as far as al-anon is concerned, i admit that i have been very hesitant to return, although i did go for two months while my xabf was attending aa. there is only one face-to-face meeting that i am able to attend, and it only has THREE members. i felt pressured to share, and quite honestly didn't know WHAT to share, because i didn't feel like my xabf and i had truly gone through that much. also, i kinda felt like i was infringing on his territory since both meetings occurred in the same meeting house, and one of the members went to both meetings. i do have several of the books, though, and i have been reading them a lot. i've also got the four-title melody beattie bundle on my kindle, so i'm all set up to read about codependency!
thank you for your words of wisdom. everything i read leads me one TINY step farther along my path.