Well, the point is you were sober for 19 years! Wow, that's something to still be proud of! Your mind and body is a lot healthier because of that 19 years than it would be if you'd have been drinking all this time. In fact.. you might not be here if you had continued drinking. So, don't discount what you've accomplished. You need to forgive yourself and move on. You're a strong person.. you've proven that. Just do it again.