To clarify I did not in any way tell my friends and family that they had to stop having alcohol at functions, or partaking in alcohol. I said I was choosing not to be there.
When I went to those types of functions I was a raving, lunatic mess, mainly directed at my alcoholic. There were incidences with him getting out of moving cars because I would not stop for more alcohol, him not be willing to turn over the keys after drinking. I would REACT like crazy and honestly I would be the one that would come out looking like an idiot. His behavior after drinking was tame compared to my insanity.
That was my way of safely starting to detach. I did not want to feel like that anymore and I did not know how to not try to "control" him at functions.
I am not saying that is what you have to do, it was just a first step for me that helped. It was far from curing anything, but it did decrease my stress and my personal drama started and ended by me. I was not having fun anyway because I was spending the whole time a basket case monitoring him.
I hope that helps, for me it was a beginning step to taking care of me.