I did that for years. I lost a lot of friends, because I never wanted to go out, because of the fear that he would go out and get drunk on his own. Or, I would make plans that he would agree to go to just so I could babysit.
The thought of seeing his forehead wrinkle, due to the inability to focus his sight, just makes me cringe. Over time, I developed the intuition to mostly know when he has been drinking. The wrinkle in his forehead was one, and the redness in his cheeks is another. When he had been drinking, suddenly he develops a throat irritation and must continuously suck on throat lozenges. When he had been drinking he decides to take showers right before I come home from work as opposed to his normal routine of morning showers. When he had been drinking he decides that the yard work must get done at any given hour (aka bottles are hidden outside). Or, the garage is suddenly too filthy that he cannot stand it is an excuse he used from time to time to escape me and embrace his vodka. He came up with excuse after excuse to continue to drink. Nothing I said or did stopped that. If we went to the movies he brought a flask. If we went out to eat he ordered a beer. If I expressed my dislike, he would hide it. I could not control his actions no matter what I had tried.
Detachment came to me when I stopped worrying about what the heck he was doing. That was hard, but it was making me insane to worry about everything. I was a detective in my home, and who was really benefiting by those actions? No one. I decided to spend my “fun” time separate. If I wanted to have fun I called those friends I had abandoned previously and asked them to hang. If I wanted to go to the movies I went, and I didn’t worry whether or not he would have wanted to see it. If he called me drunk I didn’t answer, and I didn’t dwell on it. Sometimes things would get overwhelming and I found myself obsessing about certain things. During those times, I would take a break. I would take a bubble bath, count to fifty, anything to get my mind calm again.
The advice in the posts above are good ways to learn how to detach. I can’t quite remember if I had suggested this to you in a previous thread or not, but “Codependent No More,” by Melody Beattie is really a good book to read to help distinguish when detachment is a good idea, and it gives some techniques to doing this.
Keep Posting.