Thanks Laurie, that helped a lot.
I am awfulizing the crap out of the situation. And the only way I'm going to get through this is if I focus on the day at hand and not the future of possibilities and worries, you're all right. That last part helped a lot too Laurie...I was just trying to find a way to delete my whole profile off of here because I sound like an idiot making excuses to do something that ruins my life...but I need to stick it out and get support. Really, this forum site is the closest form of support I have. If I leave I have nada...unless I go see a counselor.