Thanks everyone. My sponsor tells me my doubt is a real fight for me. Not so much the doubt in a Higher Power but in everything I do bad or good. My biggest thing is I feel I don't have as big as issues as others. I'm wokring on my Higher Power is there for me too and not just others in more need.
My sponsor did say something to me that stuck in my hard head. That I was demanding of myself and of others. Even if I don't tell someone my demands, in my head I already have what I want them to do or say or act or feel. Like how can I possibly tell someone that but I sure do think it up a good storm. It seems that everything is tying together like control acceptance and surrender, but its causing me all this inner turmoil. I did hear a guy speak at a meeting once and said, If you are having some kind of turmoil after the drinking has stopped that is good, then you are trying to work your program. I hope that is right.
Thank you all for your replies. I'm trying really hard to surrender and not want to be the "it" of everything, good and bad. If you were to ask me three years ago what was hard, I'd say to quit drinking. Now I think that might have been the easier part. Now the hard part is to stay out of my head and on my street and not yours. I'm told it gets easier. Self Esteem is not my greatest attribute and I just get scared. Surrender. All I can say is its on my mind, I'm working on it, I'm praying and I'm just doing the best I can. Thank you all.