Originally Posted by
AprilMay1895 
Oh I actually managed to stop my AV today btw. Instead of thinking of my AV as some monster or evil thing or what have you, I pictured it as who I'd be 10 years from now if I drink again. My AV is about 350 pounds, she only wears light pink Walmart granny panty underwear...nothing else, her hair is atrocious, she has cellulite and stretch marks all over, she's always angry and hates everyone, her makeup is smeared all over her face from being constantly drunk or hungover and through this all, she thinks she's sexy and doesn't have a problem with alcohol.
Yeah, attach that mental picture to the "You should grab a 12 pack while you're at the grocery store" voice and you got another thing coming. lol
April,
You're making some progress, but I see what might be confusing you. You are trying to silence your AV, which can't always be done. People have a belief that desire is "bad," and that it must be removed, but if you go that route, there lies the old "white knuckling" purgatory. This is why many people in recovery are always so edgy; they are afraid of their own bodily desires.
If you stop trying to get rid of desire, though, this whole thing will be much easier. The "R" in AVRT is for
recognition, not refute, remove, "running away from," or anything else. You just recognize the AV as the expression of your Beast, and then you
ignore it.
Your Beast will try to convince you that it is cunning, baffling, powerful, and that it will GET YOU, but it is all bark and no bite. So, the next time you hear your AV, recognize that it is the voice of that 350 lb booze-hound with the pink underwear, and let her pout, argue, cajole, whine, complain, or anything she can think of. What do you care what she thinks? Screw her! Let HER squirm, and you just sit back and relax, enjoy the show.
Use addiction diction. If you think "I want a twelve pack," change the "I" to "IT" and tell yourself "IT wants a twelve pack, too bad for IT, I don't drink."
[or in your case, if you prefer, "SHE wants a six pack, too bad for HER, I don't drink"]