Mornin, JD
Happy Monday to ya!
No one said you have to sit through meetings. In fact, you may want to take a spin through the Secular Connections forum for other suggestions.
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I noticed that you have mentioned a few times that what is driving you to look into getting off H is saving your relationship with your wife but in the same token are willing to lose her in favor of sticking with it and finding someone who is OK with that? That reads like H is your true first love. Is that honestly the case? (Rhetorical question, just something to think about).
I can speak from experience that the only way to kick being chained to something is to want it for yourself. Yes, that is selfish - but thats basically how it works. Trying to do anything of this magnitude for someone else will not end well. It has to be by you, and for you. Focus on you, and the pieces around you will start to fall into place.