I never said I wanted a reward for doing what Chris Rock said is expected of adults ("I take care of my kids...you're supposed to you $&;$&(!). Anyway, with the stereotype of people falling apart because of jail, financial ruin, or overdose being the end to EVERYONE, I find that I've spent many years tapering down my use. I don't use til I'm obliterated---I use just enough to feel "well" and that I can do all those things. IN natural state I'm so depressed that I feel life is a waste of time. (that isn't healthy thinking, but that's what I felt for many years growing up, until I found a chemical way to feel that life is worth living. One that I know the heights of feeling, it's hard to sit on the ground when one knows how to fly....