I am also 40 and have used drugs / alcohol since early teens. I have been on suboxone for 6 years and it really has been a life saver for the narcotic addiction. I feel normal on it and know I cannot get high while on it. Many ppl disagree with using it long term, it works for me. I may get off of it one day but am struggling with alcoholism (6 days clean) and don't trust myself to be off the sub.
I hope your marriage works out, but if it doesn't, aren't you worth saving? You really need to do it for YOU and not just for someone else, at least that is what I found to be true for myself.
Keep coming on here, so many wonderful supportive people who are not judgemental...I wish you the best!