Just, what you just said, I totally get that. I've been saying that, nearly word for word, to a couple of my friends this week. And my boyfriend, clean for 17 weeks says the same. I think it takes time to get our "land legs" when we've been bobbing around at sea for so long.
Sailors commit to danger, and get bored with life on land, itchy to "go back out" on the open water. Sometimes I feel that way, I was one helluva good addict, but I'm sorta average sober. I get clean, and do the recovery thing for a time, then hunt up some new excuse to use. It's easier than learning how to live on dry land.
Somehow, I feel recovery is a trap, which is insane, because being on a boat at sea....active addiction...is the real trap. just the boat, out at the mercy of the sea, whereas on dry land, I have options galore. Lots of places to go and lots of ways to get there. But I haven't been clean for very long, and my thinkin isn't straight and when I get real honest, my clean days are better than my using days, except like a sailor, I have a tendency to spin yarns about my glorious days at sea, and leave out the parts about blisters, storms, wretching my guts out overboard, sharks, and the stinking cabin with no light that I lived in.