Welcome to SR. When I accepted the fact that I was truly powerless over this situation, it was a beginning of a great journey that has spanned over a year now, and I hope continues for the rest of my life!
There are the three C's of addiction: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. I carried that line around in my pocket for a solid month in the beginning. It allowed me to loosen my grip on the back of my alcoholic's shirt!
I read everything I could get my hands on about addictions and alcoholism. I got busy working on the steps in Al-Anon. I started all of this trying to understand my husband so I could find the magic solution to "fix him". Instead, I found myself and starting working on fixing my own stinking thinking. I am still powerless over this situation, but today I find great peace and serenity in that! I am not powerless in my own life and my life is good.
Keep coming back and keep posting! It really does help.
~T