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Old 10-08-2011, 07:41 AM
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Hi all. I stumbled across this site when I was trying to find information about al-anon to help me better understand how to deal with an alcoholic son. I have learned a lot just from lurking for a couple of weeks. I am one of those strong people that always seems to have an answer and solution to every problem, but I really feel powerless in this situation. I don't know that there are any answers but I know that I need some support. As the fixer of problems to people in my life, it isn't often that I find myself in this position but here I am.
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Old 10-08-2011, 08:17 AM
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Welcome.
Ironically, one of the first things we learn when we confront the disease of addiction is that we truly are powerless. (I believe we should listen when our intuition is telling us something.)
If it helps, you didn't cause your son's alcoholism. But you'll find that you can't cure it and you can't control it. You can offer support and encouragement to your son...but you may find that some of the things you thought were helpful really aren't. Dealing with an alcoholic is a marathon, not a sprint.
I recommend Al-Anon. It's a support group dedicated to helping the family and friends of alcoholics. It won't teach you how to cure your son, but it provides support. You'll find that you aren't alone, and you can learn just by listening to the experience (and hope) of others. You can find a meeting online. People usually recommend that you go to several meetings before you decide whether or not it's for you. It's been enormously helpful in my life, but it's not an instant fix by any means.
Best wishes on your journey...my heart goes out to you just from remembering where I've been. Keep coming back!
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Old 10-08-2011, 09:01 AM
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Welcome to SR. When I accepted the fact that I was truly powerless over this situation, it was a beginning of a great journey that has spanned over a year now, and I hope continues for the rest of my life!

There are the three C's of addiction: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. I carried that line around in my pocket for a solid month in the beginning. It allowed me to loosen my grip on the back of my alcoholic's shirt!

I read everything I could get my hands on about addictions and alcoholism. I got busy working on the steps in Al-Anon. I started all of this trying to understand my husband so I could find the magic solution to "fix him". Instead, I found myself and starting working on fixing my own stinking thinking. I am still powerless over this situation, but today I find great peace and serenity in that! I am not powerless in my own life and my life is good.

Keep coming back and keep posting! It really does help.
~T
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Old 10-08-2011, 10:06 AM
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Thanks for your messages. I recently read up on enabling, and there was something profound that hit home with me. That enablers think that they are acting out of love, which is partially true, but the larger reason is because they can't face the heartbreak of seeing a loved one self destruct. I believe that is very true for me, but at least now I recognize this.
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Old 10-08-2011, 01:39 PM
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Welcome,

Please take some time to read the stickies at the top of this forum and the Family & Friends of Subtance Abusers, the information applies to both alcoholics and drug users, as they both suffer from addiction.

I waould also suggest that you start attending Alanon meetings, helped me understand
enabling, codependecy and addiction.

We are here for you.
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Old 10-08-2011, 02:06 PM
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Originally Posted by whenitrains View Post
Hi all. I stumbled across this site when I was trying to find information about al-anon to help me better understand how to deal with an alcoholic son. I have learned a lot just from lurking for a couple of weeks. I am one of those strong people that always seems to have an answer and solution to every problem, but I really feel powerless in this situation. I don't know that there are any answers but I know that I need some support. As the fixer of problems to people in my life, it isn't often that I find myself in this position but here I am.

Oh, how I loved that last sentence. I bet more people than you and I could wear a sign that says that!

This is a good place. I've learned a lot that I can take away just by reading the posts of the people who share their feelings on here.
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