Shannon-
I appreciate your response so much... it helps to be reminded to just break it down into facts and steps. I am much better at doing that when it's someone else's situation and your post was really really helpful. Thank you!
Dolly- What's up with your post? Maybe you need to ask yourself what it is that you need to work through bc really?
You are following your own agenda, and get upset if we, who post here try to both support you and get you headed in what we believe to be the right direction.
I think I'm headed in a fine direction thanks. AH doesn't live here, I'm content and happier than I've been in years. His manipulation is frustrating and his alcoholic behavior infuriating at times. That's not me not headed ina right direction. That's me being frustrated. I'm not upset but thanks for telling me how I feel-- I didn't have enough of that in my marriage to AH. I'm just correcting mis-stated facts. That's not upset. That's just stating it like it is. Sorry if you're taking it as something else. Not my responsibility.
And I'm not sure what you think my agenda is but I've kicked my AH out, I have almost no contact with him, I haven't been reacting to his crap and I'm doing the best I can for my kids right now. Frankly I think I'm doing pretty well. My agenda? I'm trying to be realistic about a complicated situation. I don't intend to justify or defend my actions and I'd like it is instead of assuming you know the whole story (and I'm not about to give every detail here which I know bothers some) you not pass judgement. I have my children's therapist and my lawyer both warning me to tread carefully about doing anything that AH and his lawyer can construe as alienation and many of the suggestions here would do that. Perhaps I am avoiding the inevitable (a long, costly, horrible divorce) but I am not living with AH any longer, am generally very happy with how life is now and my choice is to wait a bit and see if AH will choose to behave in a manner that makes a miserable, costly, acrimonious battle avoidable. I'm not really asking anyone here to agree with or like that idea. It's okay that you don't. Really.
You are frustrated, I am frustrated, so, we have that in common.
So, you're welcome to not post and thus not be frustrated... Right? Maybe take a step back and ask yourself why you are so frustrated and why you are compelled to tell me that I am frustrating you rather than just leave this be? Maybe there's something to learn there...
My only suggestion is that you get a job, any job, to fund hiring an attorney.
It's good that you are presuming to know what I am and am not doing re: work and where I am and am not working. I realize I contributed to this confusion by saying I'm not working-- I really really didn't want to get into the nitpicky... but I am working or will be-- it just hasn't begun yet so I'm in limbo til the months end when I start. And fyi- with young kids, my working options are limited to hours when they are in school so the "get any job" wasn't an option for me and I had to find something that worked for my family and I. I'm consulting for a school district while I wait to find something permanent. It's not ideal but it's something. And I won't make anything close to what will pay a retainer. Not sure what job does right off the bat.
If I am choosing between a roof over the kids head and paying a lawyer, I'm choosing the former and the divorce will wait and that's kind of where I'm at and I'm okay with it.