JulieP, how many times has my partner called me unreasonable for wanting a normal environment, and how many times she has said I'm the reason she drinks-I stress her out etc. At one point I think I started believing this, I think you will find a common thread for everyone on here is that the drinker becomes manipulative, and there will always be some justification for what they do.
I think you should check out al anon-it will give you a more objective view of the situation-ie detachment.
Good luck.