Will I Just Die From It?...Oh...and Lonely No Less {Surprise!!!}
The whole surprise thing is that some of you know me by now...
Bayliss...here is her other attempt at quitting...
Bayliss...here is another party coming up...
Bayliss...here is another threat by her bf to leaving her...
Bayliss...she just needs another drink to cope with...work/life/boyfriend/parents/sister/cousins/family/animals/cooking/anything that's not stainless steel/the Leafs losing/the dumbass boss/wrong nail colour/hair won't go up right/etc.etc.etc....
I heard all of you when you asked me if I wanted to quit or not...
If I don't will you all leave me?
Obviously deep down I want to...I hate it, because I wouldn't be coming here EVERY SINGLE DAY.
I hate it.
I don't want to die from it. I feel ashamed of it.
But yet again, here I am with Mr. Red...
Life is stressful, but it always will be.
I love being sober...well, no, I lie...I don't love it...but it feels good the next morning...ONLY the next morning...for me..for now.
But the ONE moment...the one day...catches me...and I've spiralled...
I don't want to be 50 and go through this...
No...I don't want to be 40 and go through this...
No no no...I don't want to be 30....
I don't even want to be 26 and go through this...but that is the path that it is leading me in....
I just needed to vent.
<3