Found this site not even 2 weeks ago and so much has transpired. As of a few days ago, I thought my husband had his last pill and I let him know how serious I was about being done and separating if he doesn't get off them. We talked about options of drug testing and him going off our bank account again and me giving him money if he needed it, and I explained to him that those ideas are really not solving anything and it is still making me responsible for his addiction when he is the one who needs to be responsible. I am tired of being responsible for him.
I had this talk last Sunday (not yesterday). Then over the weekend he went out to his truck and I followed him, and came up behind him to see what he was doing. I thought maybe he had some pills hid in his truck. I didn't find anything, and when I asked he said he thought he might have some money out there because we were about to leave for our sons football game and was just checking.
Then on Sunday he didn't want to go to church with me. So, I went with one of our sons and the other stayed home with him. While I was out, I had his phone because I lost mine last week at church, and a text comes across that says, "where you at?" and I texted back "At home" and then a text came through, "30's on deck, come see me" so I texted back, " dont think I can get away" then another text came through that said, "you still got me" That was it.
When I got home from church I had him come out to the truck and sent our son in and we drove around to talk. (Like I said, we hide alot from the kids). I asked him who this guy was who was texting him, he said just a co worker, and then I kept asking and then told him about the texts and he admitted that this guy worked at the same job as he did a few weeks ago and he got some pills from him.
Then I went over everything we had talked about last weekend, and last weekend I asked him if he owed anyone money, and he said no, but then yesterday he told me that he owed this guy $20 for pills and that is what the text "you still got me" meant. Also, on Saturday he called our next door neighbor and wouldn't tell me why, he just said that with what we are going through, possibly separating he needed to open lines of communication with friends to have to talk to. BUT Yesterday, while we are having this talk in the truck, he said he had borrowed $60 from our neighbor, because he has to go work out of town (left today) and didn't want to leave me here with no money. He then went on to tell me that on Friday he pawned his bass amp and got $60.00 and bought pills and put $10 in gas, so essentially he was borrowing $$$ from our neighbor because he was going to make it look like he had pawned his bass amp to get money for his family, when he really pawned it for pills and then had to borrow money from our neighbor to try to cover the fact of buying the pills. He did admit all this to me, but only after he was caught per se. When he went out to the truck on Saturday he was trying to get the pawn ticket to hide it, he said, "You had it in your hand but didn't know it" I was looking for money or pills.
He left today to go out of town for 5 days, and yesterday when we were talking I told him, we are going to have to separate and I can't do this anymore. I am numb, exhausted, sad, hopeless feeling and it is affecting me as a person severely. I don't even want to get out of bed some mornings and I homeschool our boys, so I have to. He said to please give him one last chance and that he had 56 days clean over the summer and that was a big accomplishment for him and he just messed up. I am not working right now and only one vehicle is running and he says he has no where to go and I told him that it is always going to be hard to separate. That is why it is a consequence, but I would rather deal with the difficulty of us separating than to continue like this. He said to please give him 2 paycheck periods and he is going to be out of town anyhow. I told him I would, but honestly, I feel like when he comes back in town Friday that I should just go stay with a friend, and let him spend the weekend with the boys. Just FYI, he doesn't 'get messed up' no one even knows he is on pills (except for a few close friends). He takes them to have energy so he isn't laying around and sleeping all the time because that is how he is without them. So, I am not worried about leaving our boys with him for the weekend. He takes Hydrocodone and no one would even know he is on them. BUT I just feel like I can't even be around him anymore like he is, as far as emotionally draining to go through all the lies. He acts completely "normal" on the pills, but it's the lies that kills me, the deception, and ultimately he is an addict, so even if it isn't extreme it's still addiction.
