Thank you . . .I know it is not useful to dwell on anyone else and what they are doing or not doing . . . it is just part of my process . . . I tend to have strong initial reactions, need to vent and process and then hopefully return to some serenity.
It is difficult. I am not going to lie. I care about the person and I also have theories in my head about "how things are supposed to be." And the karma thing is a personal belief, so when I have to face the fact that I have no idea what is happening, that is also challenging and creates a disorientation where it feels like I have no idea what is going on . . .
When all of the people who surround her are applauding her . . .it creates a situation of unreality for me and makes me question my sanity. I can't be the first person to have experienced that.
There is also another person involved that I am close to and concerned about that keeps me more involved in the A's life than I would be otherwise. It's complicated. Families are complicated. It is not black and white, good or bad . . .it is so much more complicated than that.
But getting back to the garden . . .yes, it was wonderful creating it. Maybe I will post a picture tomorrow if I can figure out how to do that on this site. That takes me out of my head.
I still do have (and probably always will have) the unfairness thing - why should she or other people who are acting out have so much support and I have none in real life . . .I guess if I started hanging out at a bar I could make a lot of friends . . . that is what I mean about how bitter I can get about the "unfairness" of it all . . .
On the other hand, I believe in angels and guides and I feel I have had a lot of spiritual support. I also have animals and that helps.
This path is not an easy path.
Thanks again for your comments. I learn a lot from every post and appreciate the people who reach out.