Thank you both for your responses. It really helps to read about the stories of other people and not feel so completely alone. The A in my life is living it up, everything is "coming up roses," I am "the negative one," who always seems to focus "on the bad." I wish I could write what I just discovered, but it is too raw for me to even want to put in writing . . .
For me, this brings up issues of fairness and karma and feelings of envy and resentment. It also causes me to question myself and my self-esteem suffers because there are so many A's and people in denial supporting her . . .it's like most of the world is supporting her . . . she "looks good on the outside" and people just want to see the surface, apparently.
If you bring up any kind of reality, then you are negative and putting a damper on everything and are just generally a big bummer . . . and there is power in numbers and she has the numbers . . . God, I hate how envious I sound. But I have a lot of feelings around this.
It does make me question "reality." I wonder if I am crazy to think that maybe I am just a complete stick-in-the-mud, someone who puts a damper on everything and spoils everyone's fun . . .
It also makes me wonder about the world and the family I incarnated into . . . why would I pick this bunch of people? What am I supposed to learn from this? I guess to stand on my own, alone. It is a very lonely path. They say the "Road Less Traveled" is by definition lonely.
I could go to Alanon and get support, but I resist . . . I spent six years in Alanon and do not wish to be defined by other people's problems . . .I don't want to "waste time" thinking about this person and their poor decisions and their drama. I want to be free of that . . . I have been focusing on myself and this is a little set-back, I hope.
I did take care of business today, took care of myself, bought some flowers and planted a garden, etc. If I had a "best friend" to talk to, I would have loved to have gotten some emotional support, but there is no one in my life who can hear this type of stuff and that makes me feel more alone - not just feel - I am alone with this, period. And that sucks.
But you people do understand and provide the emotional and spiritual support I need and give me a space to process this . . . I am the kind of person who will always need to vent. I can't just accept and process stuff right away . . .I need to vent my anger, disappointment, and other negative feelings or I will explode.