Reality Check
My self esteem and reality is suffering at the moment because the A in my life is having a run of good luck and people are supporting her . . . some of the people are other A's, some are oblivious to her problem, and some are in denial . . .but the bizarre part is that she looks good and healthy and I look bad and negative.
I pointed out something that someone was doing that was waaaaayyy over the top . . .and she said it was uncanny how I always zero in on the "bad." Never mind that she is dating this person . . .
The other problem I have right now is my jealously over the fact that her karma does not seem to get her . . . nothing bad happens to her as a result of her actions (seemingly) . . .I know in the long term this will probably not be true, but I am just dealing with my own infantile, jealous feelings that her life looks so easy and there don't seem to be any consequences for the horrible things she has done to people.
She just got a new job and people are congratulating her, saying they should go out for drinks and it is all because of her "positive attitude." Never mind that she doesn't pay some of her bills and doesn't buy groceries for her college age kid . . .I see my resentment, don't think I don't . . .I am processing, I hope that is okay.
I know my solution is forgiveness for all of the horrible things she has done to me and I do go there but today I am having a bout of jealousy and "it's not fair." On one hand, i don't want her to suffer, but on the other hand, I wonder why my karma is so tight (I get my come-uppances right away) and she seems to get away with murder.
Thank you for listening to my rant!!!