Hi, I've not been around for a while. I was in a similar position to you. My bf of 18 years (who I also have 2 children with) made me so many promises and I felt that I had to let him stay for the sake of my children, to help with childcare, because of what might happen to him if I threw him out (we live in Spain and all family in UK) however, he continued to lie, steal, have terrifying mood swngs, do nothing in the house, I kept finding stashes ontop of wardrobes, rolled up in socks, on top of kitchen cupboards etc... In the end I decided that what my children was seeing was damaging, I felt as if I was going mad and he was also risking our home as he stole the money to pay bills and mortgage that I was working so hard for in a job I also hated (sometimes it was difficult to buy food for the kids) so, I told him to leave. First he tried for sympathy (where shall I go? What shall I do?). Not my problem, you chose this life. Then he got nasty and threatened to throw petrol bombs through the window while the kids were at school and stab me in the back. I had to call the police. He got his Mum to buy him a ticket to the UK and off he went. Yes, I still have financial difficulty and yes, it's hard with the kids on my own but I have peace of mind and don't have to sleep with my purse & bank cards under my pillow or worry that my iPod will disappear if I put it down.
He seems to have cleaned up his act and has apologised for his behaviour. I will forgive it but not forget, as I know he was not himself but, I can never, ever take him back. He will always be in my life because he is my children's father but some things once broken cannot be fixed. These include my trust & respect (he's not as strong as I thought he was). He is doing some work and trying to send money as often as possible, speaks to the children every day & visits when he can. He knows that we will never get back together but tells me he still wants to and will continue to prove himself but, thanks me for throwing him out as it was what he needed to shake him up. I've told him that he needs to prove himself FOR HIMSELF and his CHILDREN and not for me.
It sounds like you are looking for approval of your decision but, you can only give that to yourself as you have to live with him if he comes back to you. In my opinion, they have to hit rock bottom before coming back up and once you add a child into the equation you'll be even more confused than you are now. If he does go back to using then even having a child will not stop him putting himself first. Being with someone for financial reasons or because they have nowhere to go are not strong enough reasons for a relationship IMO, and for me, when my trust has been betrayed to the point that every word out of his mouth was a lie, then there is no more relationship.
You need to make this decision on your own as you are the one who will have to live with the consequences. Maybe you should write a pros & cons list as 'I love him' isn't really a good enough reason. I still love my ex but, one of us would have ended up dead and our kids screwed up if I had allowed him to stay. Sometimes you have to look further than love.
I hope everything turns out well for you xx