Hi firstbuckles
I'm not sure how you got that you must be selfish by the responses - everyones been where you are - there's no need, or basis, for any of us to pass judgement on you, so please try and put those thoughts out of your head
All anyone has tried to do here is share their experience with you
A lot of us have had bad things in our past and present that we use alcohol to try and deal with.
A lot of us have found that it's very hard to give up that crutch and many of us have fallen a time or two - you're just like many of us...you're not hopeless.
The trick is to get back up and try again - widen your support base perhaps...find some help...
and have patience...this whole deal of helping you to feel beautiful all the way through can take a bit of time and effort...
have you thought of counselling to deal with some of these underlying issues, maybe?
You can do this firstbuckle - don't let yourself be defined by your first effort
D