Just venting
I am no contact w/ my stbxah. We do (court ordered) need to communicate regarding our 5D's. Here's the problem:
It took me so long to get my head straight and my peace, and courage to separate. Lots of alanon, reading, posting here, praying. I was doing well and feeling calm. Sad, but calm. We were COMPLETELY nc for July/august. Now that we need to minimally email about kids, and see eachother but not speak at kids sporting games, it's just so hard.
Even this very minimal contact has me in a tailspin. I obviously still have feelings and I really feel I'll always love him. It's so hard and sad letting go of the dreams we both had for our lives. Im trying hard to barely communicate. I think it's never necessary (I did fine on my own w/5 kids when we had nc for 2 months!). But I sometimes need to respond to his email/text questions. Again, the judge made it clear We needed to communicate civilly regarding kids.
I miss him so much. I guess I'm just posting as way to keep me from texting or calling him. I usually journal, which feels more like writing letters to him describing my feelings. But for some reason, I think b/c I'm just being exposed to him more, I just need more support. More reminders that there is a real and genuine problem - alcoholism- that is keeping us apart.
ThAnks for letting me vent.