welocme! you'll find a lot of support here, i was the same way when i would drink, i'd do something outragous and end up in a gutter with a broken foot and wind up peeing my pants then get thrown in jail...I come form a family of strong mormons and they had no clue as to what was going on with me or how to help me, it gets easier when you find the support you need, stay stong and welcome!