Day 1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 14
Day 1
Hi. I am a 28 year old bring drinker. I need to stop and I need help.
I look forward all week to going and out and drinking. I feel like I need to drink one night a week. I would drink more if I could tolerate the hangovers.
When I drink I act out of control and lately have been getting violent towards my husband. Last night I attacked him out of the blue while he was driving. I also jumped out of the car and ran and into an alley. He was so scared that he called my mother at 2a.m. to ask what to do - he could not find me. We got it all settled but they agree I should not be drinking. I have bruises all over my body and a lump on my head. My husband went had a welt on his face. He forgave me but I do not forgive myself. What if he were hitting me when he was drunk? It is just not OK.
My "friends" never support me when I say I want to quit. I have tried to quit in the past but obviously did not succeed. They say I can drink but I just need to drink less. Don't they understand that if I could drink less, I would? No. They do not.
I found this site as I was looking up what sober people do for fun. And wouldn't you know! I can do all the things I already like to do but without the disasterous effects of alcohol. I want that life. I want to go out and dance and have dinner and do karaoke, without ruining it by drinking. For now, I'm going to stay away from places that serve liquor. I would really like to meet some new sober friends.
Thank you for reading. I'm glad I got this out. I am embarrassed by my behavior and feeling depressed today but I am also feeling hopeful and glad that I found this site. I think my next step would be to find a meeting.
I look forward all week to going and out and drinking. I feel like I need to drink one night a week. I would drink more if I could tolerate the hangovers.
When I drink I act out of control and lately have been getting violent towards my husband. Last night I attacked him out of the blue while he was driving. I also jumped out of the car and ran and into an alley. He was so scared that he called my mother at 2a.m. to ask what to do - he could not find me. We got it all settled but they agree I should not be drinking. I have bruises all over my body and a lump on my head. My husband went had a welt on his face. He forgave me but I do not forgive myself. What if he were hitting me when he was drunk? It is just not OK.
My "friends" never support me when I say I want to quit. I have tried to quit in the past but obviously did not succeed. They say I can drink but I just need to drink less. Don't they understand that if I could drink less, I would? No. They do not.
I found this site as I was looking up what sober people do for fun. And wouldn't you know! I can do all the things I already like to do but without the disasterous effects of alcohol. I want that life. I want to go out and dance and have dinner and do karaoke, without ruining it by drinking. For now, I'm going to stay away from places that serve liquor. I would really like to meet some new sober friends.
Thank you for reading. I'm glad I got this out. I am embarrassed by my behavior and feeling depressed today but I am also feeling hopeful and glad that I found this site. I think my next step would be to find a meeting.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 281
Welcome!!!!
I am 32, but started on SR when I was 29. So many things that you said I can relate to. I became very violent with my hubby, over very silly reasons... and it was in front of my children. That's what Im most ashamed of.
This is my 3rd try at staying sober and hopefully my last with success! My family and friends don't feel that I have a problem, but I know I do. I told my hubby the other day that I need to stop for ME. He said why don't you just limit to once a week!!! I told him if I do that, then that one time a week I will be obsessed thinking about, that day will come, I'll over compensate for not drinking any other day, I'll be sloppy, annoying which will most likely lead us into fighting. And the next 3 days I will be a waste because I need to recover!
So today is DAY 3 for me!! We can do this together!!! You found a really great place for support. Keep reading and posting!!!
I am 32, but started on SR when I was 29. So many things that you said I can relate to. I became very violent with my hubby, over very silly reasons... and it was in front of my children. That's what Im most ashamed of.
This is my 3rd try at staying sober and hopefully my last with success! My family and friends don't feel that I have a problem, but I know I do. I told my hubby the other day that I need to stop for ME. He said why don't you just limit to once a week!!! I told him if I do that, then that one time a week I will be obsessed thinking about, that day will come, I'll over compensate for not drinking any other day, I'll be sloppy, annoying which will most likely lead us into fighting. And the next 3 days I will be a waste because I need to recover!
So today is DAY 3 for me!! We can do this together!!! You found a really great place for support. Keep reading and posting!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 14
Ahh Shanman while it is good to have someone that understands me, I'm not glad that you're going through this. I am really glad you responded though.
And that is exactly me with the once per week drinking...I think all week about where I'm going to go, what I'm going to drink and how much I should drink in order to not be a mess. I even switched from mixed drinks to beer to try and curb my drunkeness. It doesn't work. Usually after a couple beers I am reaching for hard stuff or at least taking a shot.
I work, take night classes and work out during the week. Honestly I have more fun at all of the places than I do drinking....and yet I still looking forward to Saturdays so I can drink. And if for some chance I dont drink Sat, I make sure to drink Sunday. Like I *deserve* it for my hard work. Well, my husband doesn't deserve to be punched in the face for no reason. Can you imagine if it were the other way around and he was drinking and hitting me? I feel so much guilt and shame. He finally realizes that I have a problem. My friends won't though. They think I just need to control my drinking...and like I wrote above, that clearly is not going to happen!
I want to have control over my life. And you're also right about the 3 days after drinking...I feel like crap, I have no energy, I eat badly and most often can't remember most of the evening and am usually filled with remorse and regret (like today).
I hope to stay in touch with you!
And that is exactly me with the once per week drinking...I think all week about where I'm going to go, what I'm going to drink and how much I should drink in order to not be a mess. I even switched from mixed drinks to beer to try and curb my drunkeness. It doesn't work. Usually after a couple beers I am reaching for hard stuff or at least taking a shot.
I work, take night classes and work out during the week. Honestly I have more fun at all of the places than I do drinking....and yet I still looking forward to Saturdays so I can drink. And if for some chance I dont drink Sat, I make sure to drink Sunday. Like I *deserve* it for my hard work. Well, my husband doesn't deserve to be punched in the face for no reason. Can you imagine if it were the other way around and he was drinking and hitting me? I feel so much guilt and shame. He finally realizes that I have a problem. My friends won't though. They think I just need to control my drinking...and like I wrote above, that clearly is not going to happen!
I want to have control over my life. And you're also right about the 3 days after drinking...I feel like crap, I have no energy, I eat badly and most often can't remember most of the evening and am usually filled with remorse and regret (like today).
I hope to stay in touch with you!
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Welcome Debbs......
Given how things went for me early in sobriety, you're in luck. My friends didn't support me either. Thankfully, "support" from fiends or family isn't really necessary for recovery from alcoholism. Don't get me wrong, it FEELS good and it may help but it's not necessary.
And for what it's worth, I would have loved to be a "normal" partier/drinker. The reality, however, was that I'm an alcoholic and had crossed that invisible line from being able to control and have a choice in my drinking into being a chronic alkie - all the while maintaining a good job making 100-200k per year, driving nice cars, getting married, buying a house, etc etc etc....... so much for "functioning alcoholics." LOL... lotta good being "functioning" did me.
Given how things went for me early in sobriety, you're in luck. My friends didn't support me either. Thankfully, "support" from fiends or family isn't really necessary for recovery from alcoholism. Don't get me wrong, it FEELS good and it may help but it's not necessary.
And for what it's worth, I would have loved to be a "normal" partier/drinker. The reality, however, was that I'm an alcoholic and had crossed that invisible line from being able to control and have a choice in my drinking into being a chronic alkie - all the while maintaining a good job making 100-200k per year, driving nice cars, getting married, buying a house, etc etc etc....... so much for "functioning alcoholics." LOL... lotta good being "functioning" did me.
July 8, 2011
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: California
Posts: 66
welocme! you'll find a lot of support here, i was the same way when i would drink, i'd do something outragous and end up in a gutter with a broken foot and wind up peeing my pants then get thrown in jail...I come form a family of strong mormons and they had no clue as to what was going on with me or how to help me, it gets easier when you find the support you need, stay stong and welcome!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 281
Originally Posted by Debbs 
I work, take night classes and work out during the week. Honestly I have more fun at all of the places than I do drinking....and yet I still looking forward to Saturdays so I can drink. And if for some chance I dont drink Sat, I make sure to drink Sunday. Like I *deserve* it for my hard work.
I signed up for a 5k that I am running at the end of Oct, so trying to train for that, as well as taking boot camp classes M/W/F's. When the weekend comes, I think I do all this healthy stuff, I deserve to let loose on the weekends. My letting loose has caused me to get off my training schedule because again I am recovering for days after my "deserved drinks".
The other thing I often did to try and convince myself I didn't have a problem was compare myself to my friends. They can drink a glass of wine or two a week, and I would think... well if they can do it, why can't I. The probably with that is my glass will turn into a BOTTLE OR TWO!
I am doing this for me most importantly, but also for my children. I fear that one day something horrible could happen because either I black out or I am too drunk to realize something could be unsafe!!!
Cheers to us not picking up again... and of course I'm cheering with a non-alcoholic drink!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 14
Thanks DayTrader and Sara for welcoming me Shan - that is awesome that you are training for a 5k! We are very much alike..I would send you a message but I have to have 5 posts first! I've never done a 5k and would like to some day! I have been doing weight watchers since I came back from my honeymoon in May and lost almost 20 pounds. I am now at a healthy weight and feel good about myself for the most part....but then guess what comes along and ruins it. Drinking which leads to poor eating and all the other things I listed above. And it takes me 3 days to recover also. So I start feeling normal around tuesday/wednesday (not today though since last night was a "special ocassion") and then the weekend comes and I start again.
Today is extra bad because of my state last night. My mother keeps calling to check on me. My husband called her in a panic last night cause I went missing. He keeps sending me nice texts throughout the day and I just feel so badly. My body is all bruised up I'm afraid someone is going to see it.
Anyway, maybe we can somehow motivate each other to work out and not drink!
Shan - that is awesome that you are training for a 5k! We are very much alike..I would send you a message but I have to have 5 posts first! I've never done a 5k and would like to some day! I have been doing weight watchers since I came back from my honeymoon in May and lost almost 20 pounds. I am now at a healthy weight and feel good about myself for the most part....but then guess what comes along and ruins it. Drinking which leads to poor eating and all the other things I listed above. And it takes me 3 days to recover also. So I start feeling normal around tuesday/wednesday (not today though since last night was a "special ocassion") and then the weekend comes and I start again.Today is extra bad because of my state last night. My mother keeps calling to check on me. My husband called her in a panic last night cause I went missing. He keeps sending me nice texts throughout the day and I just feel so badly. My body is all bruised up I'm afraid someone is going to see it.
Anyway, maybe we can somehow motivate each other to work out and not drink!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,348
Hi Debbs
I can identify with 'needing' a drink or thinking I deserved one - thoughts like that kept me drinking for 20 years - but when drinking's making you violent, or you're doing crazy things, or hurting yourself, it's no reward...it's more like a massive punishment.
Support really helped me - none of my friends or family really understood, and I think it's important to have some kind of support network from people who do understand.
You sound like you have a lot of support from your family, though, and that's great. There's a ton of support here - there's also ideas on where to find more support should you feel you need it, like recovery groups (AA etc) counselling and rehab.
It's not always an easy process to get sober and stay that way - it's a lot of work -
but it is possible - very possible - and you're not alone
Welcome to SR
D
I can identify with 'needing' a drink or thinking I deserved one - thoughts like that kept me drinking for 20 years - but when drinking's making you violent, or you're doing crazy things, or hurting yourself, it's no reward...it's more like a massive punishment.
Support really helped me - none of my friends or family really understood, and I think it's important to have some kind of support network from people who do understand.
You sound like you have a lot of support from your family, though, and that's great. There's a ton of support here - there's also ideas on where to find more support should you feel you need it, like recovery groups (AA etc) counselling and rehab.
It's not always an easy process to get sober and stay that way - it's a lot of work -
but it is possible - very possible - and you're not alone
Welcome to SR
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Debbs - glad you've joined us and have made a decision to get sober.
Those "wake-up calls" can be brutal sometimes, but it sounds like your husband is a good guy and wants to be supportive.
Just think: no more hangovers!
Those "wake-up calls" can be brutal sometimes, but it sounds like your husband is a good guy and wants to be supportive.
Just think: no more hangovers!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,518
Hi Debbs. That sounds like my behavior many years ago. Because I didn't seek help, the way you are, the progressive disease of alcoholism destroyed the life I should have had. What was once fun and relaxing turned into a necessity, and I ended up drinking around the clock.
I'm so glad you see what needs to be done, and are reaching out for help. You'll never have to lose everything the way so many of us have. Congratulations on your decision!
I'm so glad you see what needs to be done, and are reaching out for help. You'll never have to lose everything the way so many of us have. Congratulations on your decision!
Keep On Keeping On
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Michigan
Posts: 73
Hi Debbs!
I was never a violent drunk but I can understand the not remembering, wandering away and waking up with bruises and bumps on my body. You have found an amazing place with awesome people.
Welcome and good luck
I was never a violent drunk but I can understand the not remembering, wandering away and waking up with bruises and bumps on my body. You have found an amazing place with awesome people.
Welcome and good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 14
Thank you all so much. I am loving this board so far; I've been reading forums and such and this is a wonderful site. There are several events coming up in October that I am worried about. One is visiting my inlaws and the second is Halloween. Both are drinking activities.
I ordered a costume and planned to go clubbing with my husband. I still want to go but I don't know if I should really be hanging out in bars. In fact, after just writing that, it seems like a really bad idea. Maybe a haunted house or something would be better!
I ordered a costume and planned to go clubbing with my husband. I still want to go but I don't know if I should really be hanging out in bars. In fact, after just writing that, it seems like a really bad idea. Maybe a haunted house or something would be better!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 281
Good Morning!
I did that a lot and still do... thinking too much about whats ahead when I should have been focusing on getting through today! Try not to think about those days until they arrive and take 1 minute/hour/day at a time!
I did that a lot and still do... thinking too much about whats ahead when I should have been focusing on getting through today! Try not to think about those days until they arrive and take 1 minute/hour/day at a time!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 14
Thank you all! Still feelin bruised and in pain. Still feeling guilty and remorseful. My husband said I need to forgive myself and I am trying. I am lucky to have supportive people in my life...my husband is a wonderful man. Also my mom does not drink. She is an adult child of an alcholic and went to al anon for many years. Alcohol abuse runs rampant in my family (my mother kept me away) and I have been warned my whole life about the disease.
I feel optimistic today. I feel understood and welcome by you all and for that, very grateful. And Dee you are 100% right...it is a punishment every time!! I never wake up from a night of drinking thinking, "Wow! Last night was so much fun!" It usually starts with aplogizing to whomever I was with and worrying about the aftermath.
I learned a new way to eat (healthy) and now I need to learn a new way to live.
I feel optimistic today. I feel understood and welcome by you all and for that, very grateful. And Dee you are 100% right...it is a punishment every time!! I never wake up from a night of drinking thinking, "Wow! Last night was so much fun!" It usually starts with aplogizing to whomever I was with and worrying about the aftermath.
I learned a new way to eat (healthy) and now I need to learn a new way to live.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 189
Originally Posted by Debbs
Hi. I am a 28 year old bring drinker. I need to stop and I need help.
I look forward all week to going and out and drinking. I feel like I need to drink one night a week. I would drink more if I could tolerate the hangovers.
When I drink I act out of control and lately have been getting violent towards my husband. Last night I attacked him out of the blue while he was driving. I also jumped out of the car and ran and into an alley. He was so scared that he called my mother at 2a.m. to ask what to do - he could not find me. We got it all settled but they agree I should not be drinking. I have bruises all over my body and a lump on my head. My husband went had a welt on his face. He forgave me but I do not forgive myself. What if he were hitting me when he was drunk? It is just not OK.
My "friends" never support me when I say I want to quit. I have tried to quit in the past but obviously did not succeed. They say I can drink but I just need to drink less. Don't they understand that if I could drink less, I would? No. They do not.
I found this site as I was looking up what sober people do for fun. And wouldn't you know! I can do all the things I already like to do but without the disasterous effects of alcohol. I want that life. I want to go out and dance and have dinner and do karaoke, without ruining it by drinking. For now, I'm going to stay away from places that serve liquor. I would really like to meet some new sober friends.
Thank you for reading. I'm glad I got this out. I am embarrassed by my behavior and feeling depressed today but I am also feeling hopeful and glad that I found this site. I think my next step would be to find a meeting.
I look forward all week to going and out and drinking. I feel like I need to drink one night a week. I would drink more if I could tolerate the hangovers.
When I drink I act out of control and lately have been getting violent towards my husband. Last night I attacked him out of the blue while he was driving. I also jumped out of the car and ran and into an alley. He was so scared that he called my mother at 2a.m. to ask what to do - he could not find me. We got it all settled but they agree I should not be drinking. I have bruises all over my body and a lump on my head. My husband went had a welt on his face. He forgave me but I do not forgive myself. What if he were hitting me when he was drunk? It is just not OK.
My "friends" never support me when I say I want to quit. I have tried to quit in the past but obviously did not succeed. They say I can drink but I just need to drink less. Don't they understand that if I could drink less, I would? No. They do not.
I found this site as I was looking up what sober people do for fun. And wouldn't you know! I can do all the things I already like to do but without the disasterous effects of alcohol. I want that life. I want to go out and dance and have dinner and do karaoke, without ruining it by drinking. For now, I'm going to stay away from places that serve liquor. I would really like to meet some new sober friends.
Thank you for reading. I'm glad I got this out. I am embarrassed by my behavior and feeling depressed today but I am also feeling hopeful and glad that I found this site. I think my next step would be to find a meeting.
I know how you feel for sure. I was a binge drinker too and my mind was so out of whack when I thought I had fun the night before and wake up and look in the mirror to see dry blood on my mouth and swollen lips from being punched to death from a "friend" who was drunk too then it showed me how much things were getting out control. I was very unpredictable myself. I never knew what was going to happen when I drank. Rarely was it a good time. If I had a bit I was alright but wanted more and was miserable once I sobered up in a few hours. When I had ALOT my personality changed. Sometimes I was a nice guy, sometimes funny, sometimes angry and sometimes crying. I've always been told my moods do change right away when drunk. from angry to happy, happy to crying. I've found that so far being sober I don't have to worry about what I say or do because I am myself when sober and when drunk I'm not. Stay strong! Your i nthe right direction!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by TheOjibway84
When I had ALOT my personality changed. Sometimes I was a nice guy, sometimes funny, sometimes angry and sometimes crying. I've always been told my moods do change right away when drunk. from angry to happy, happy to crying. I've found that so far being sober I don't have to worry about what I say or do because I am myself when sober and when drunk I'm not. Stay strong! Your i nthe right direction!
So thank you, Oji. I'm trying to soak up as much information and inspiration as I can.
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