it's a distant, hidden life, stealth & duplicitous, with the rest of the world always an arm's length away. not surprisingly, in the past month and a half i've often found myself most lonely when in the presence of others. and so as much as i know intellectually that my struggles with drinking aren't original and that there are others in this world who can relate, it seems to be the nature of this thing, particularly now, on day 1, to make me feel utterly lost, rootless, insane and alone. thanks for your comments Sphalerite/Soberlicious/ReadyAndAble/Beebizzy/BTSO - they've made me feel a little bit less those things tonite.
24 hours are almost under the belt. i managed my way thru an airport lounge, a long flight with beverage carts piled high with those mini stoli bottles that call out like sirens, and through many rounds of vacillation courtesy of my mind's wavering conviction. i feel god-awful and i've got an itch that's desperate for scratching, but i'm sober. tomorrow i'll take a deep breath and do it again.