It really is remarkable how similar the behaviors, manipulations, justifications, quacks, and bs that they throw at us all are.
And similarly, I imagine that those of us who've been in the throws of living with and loving an A probably share very very similar behaviors/language/excuses for them etc...
The difference is that our behaviors generally don't become abusive in the way that A's project everything on to us.
I'd have far more empathy and tolerance for my stbxAH if he were the type of A who harmed only himself. His "drug" of choice, in addition to booze, is to try to drag those around him down with him too.