For the time being, how do I deal with this on a daily basis? I mean I'm fighting a war on two fronts. My father on one side, a paranoid racist hoarder. And then there's my mother who doesn't come home drunk out of her mind, but had 1 or 2 in her. Alone I stand, unable to enjoy anything whatsoever.
They hit each other, especially my father. It's not a beating, but he'll hit her if what she says angers him or if she stole money for a pack of cigarettes. My mother hits him out of frustration or in response to him hitting her.
I'm guilty of partaking in the physical abuse as well, more so on my mother. I suppose that makes me as bad as they are. And if there isn't any hitting there are always arguments everyday, several times a day.
I can't stand when of either of my parents say "that thought was put in your head by your mother/father." They've been doing this to me since I was a child, and I always have to second guess myself and think if one of my parents implanted that thought into my head.
My mother having a beer everyday, or who knows how much since I don't know what she drinks. Having to see her naked at 2 in the morning, after her drink. Naked with the blankets and some pillows on the floor, her on the couch with the air conditioner blasting in 55 degree weather. Dealing with it day after day, smelling her body odor, seeing the place where I came out of on occasion.
I know it makes me just as bad as they are in my case because I have to threaten my mother in order for her to go to sleep. Or when she gaslights me, saying that she isn't drunk, that she didn't have a drink. Then I have to see and "smell" her.
It just makes me so angry, and both my parents believe this is normal behavior and I have some sort of mental illness.