T5hlP5,
I hear what you said in your post, how your long term sobriety was repeatedly hijacked by your 'monster'. I hear that in so many posts from people that have a great desire to remain sober, and fail by returning to drink against their better judgement by giving in to their 'monster'.
You might think that after considering a future life with alcohol and the resulting hopelessness, poverty and insanity, that you would have a plan to avoid this. Do you? What is your plan?