Get y our own attorney, don't say anything to her. If she's having the affair, maybe you can get her to pay for the entire divorce. Sorry.
So sorry you have to go through this. I didn't get married to get divorced and not sure I'll ever get married again. I guess you hit a nerve in me... He did try to kill me, but only once....(a bit bitter, heck yeah! learning how to get over that one).
Peace and prayers to you!