Manipulation?
Just got a call from my 23 year old AS wanting me to drive up (6 hours) and spend a few days with him so he can quit drinking and smoking legal pot. Says he knows he has a problem and but needs someone to be there with him to help him make the right decisions so he can stay in school.
My son has been living with his now sober (5 years) father who drives trucks and is gone several weeks at a time. He is currently trying to get home for a couple of days but independent of the recent request from son.
Son has been an alcolholic for several years. Has started and dropped school many times. After paying for 4 semesters I finally said no more support from me. Ex and I bailed him out of trouble many, many times. He is currently on probation (2nd time) and always seems to just avoid jail/prison. The last time I refused to help pay for a lawyer so ex took care of it.
After reading 'Co dependent No More' and others, finally attending Al Anon, and reading on this site, I realize what a co dependent relationship my ex and son have. And I have certainly contributed my fair share. However, I am desperately trying my best to mind my own business and let my alcolohic/addicted family members take responsibility for their own actions. I am finally living my own life and have been quite happy the last several weeks.
So, while I am happy that my son realizes he needs help, I am conflicted over how to approach this. My son consistently misses doctor appointments, doesn't like his therapist, doesn't like to take medication, etc., etc. He refuses to go to AA or anything else that looks like rehab. My ex, of course, feels I should drop everything and go visit for a couple of days.
I told my son that he is a man and is capable of making his own decisions. I told him that if he wants to drink, he will, regardless of whether I am there or not. Been there, done that.....for many years with ex. He said he just needs someone to talk to when he gets the urge to drink. I told him he really needs a sponsor. I asked him whether he had talked to a counselor/therapist at the school. At this point he said that I was going to be a B and that was not what he needed. He can't believe I can be so selfish and all I do is think about myself.
Talked to my ex about this and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way even though he is very fed up with son's lack of responsibility and accountability as well.
Feels like I'm being manipulated. My son is very skilled in that arena.
Just needed to vent ......