Originally Posted by
williamj 
YES! That's it in a nutshell.
Still, I do not feel like it is wrong for me to say, "no more!" when it comes to placating my wife's AF. it doesn't mean I don't support her, it means that i no longer support him. Am I wrong in this thinking? Am I missing something?
There's nothing wrong with that at all (in my opinion!). She may feel you're not supporting her bc you won't enable him but that's her issue to address. Codependent No More is really an eye opening book that you and your wife could probably get a lot out of. I didn't find it 12 step oriented and so that might be appealing to you and she?
Sadly, for as long as the FOO has it's claw hooked into one part of a couple (in an unhealthy way that is) you can do all the right things under the sun to improve your r/s but it's still going to be negatively impacted by the FOO.
I live near your geographic area as well and I swear if I didn't know better I'd think your wife was my SIL (except she's not married!) bc your FIL sounds soooooo similar to mine. I feel your pain!
Hang in there. And absolutely separate yourself from FIL and don't feel guilty for doing so. You're taking care of you-- that's what has to come first before you can help anyone else.