William,
You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. Not him, not her. To be honest it's not your job to manage their lives or to make them happy. Happiness is an inside job. What you are interested in is Al-Anon not AA. They are different organizations with different perspectives and from what I understand very different flavors. Al-Anon is like this forum, it is for the friends and family of alcoholics.
Try more than one meeting. I went to 5 or 6 until I found my best fit. I currently go to to different meetings which I like very much. There may be other support groups such as codependents anonymous which could be a help also. Maybe you could try just going and not participating. Both meetings I attend open with the serenity prayer, which btw is very good. I just don't say god and mean the rest. They close with the lord's prayer. I say it but to me I treat is as cultural thing rather than religious. Just saying the prayer doesn't mean you believe it and the good I get from the meetings far outweighs any issues I have about saying the lord's prayer.
Before I went to Al-Anon I spent a lot of time here reading and posting. This is a very good place to pick up experience, strength and hope.
In my experience working on myself, working on my detachment and working on accepting that I don't have control over anything except how I choose to react to what is happening to me has been a great help in letting me be centered and happy again.
Another thing to remember is one of the Al-Anon sayings is "Take what you want and leave the rest.". Good advice whether you are at a meeting or reading posts here.
Your friend,