I'm not looking for Al-non suggestions (she will not go and I do not ascribed to the *higher power* thing)
Hi. I finally went to Alanon knowing that the Higher Power thing would be an issue, but I knew I needed something and I didn't know what else to do. I had heard go to 6 meetings before you decide, which was good because I certainly could have easily quit after the first 3. Then I started to notice the others in the room had an ease that I didn't have, and I noticed that I felt better after each meeting.
There is something comforting to have people nodding in empathy and knowledge to things that would have my "normie" friends aghast.
I've finally acknowledged to my group that I had no Higher Power after about 4 months and I expected to be asked to leave. They were warm and supporting. In my group about one third don't have a Higher Power. Some refer to the group as their HP, some refer to nature, some refer to Good Orderly Direction. I would guess I fall into the nature camp, if I had to explain it.
Sometimes the discussion does get a little heavy on the HP focus, but I always leave a meeting with some nugget for me to digest and learn from.
I came across the secular 12 steps and now when Alanon is discussing their steps, I often in my mind refer to the matching secular step.
I guess I am saying, in a long roundabout way, don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, and it is a really good free group therapy session with a focus on the effects of alcoholism. Lots find or strengthen their relationship with their Higher Power, and there are those of us that don't.
Forgive me for ignoring your "no Alanon" request. This is the only E,S & H I can offer you for this situation.
Wishing you and your wife well.